Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
the liver wants what the liver wants
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize