Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
