Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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