then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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