So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
