Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
