you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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