I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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