I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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