i think my tv is drunk
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize