you would pick up someone in the library
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
