apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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