Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
