why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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