What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize