proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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