omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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