I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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