I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
