She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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