my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
