His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
