Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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