I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
