I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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