my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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