Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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