she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize