where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We had to coat check the pizza.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize