At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
