the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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