after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
