does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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