I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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