Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
