I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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