It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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