At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
