His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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