it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
