Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
