Betty ford says i'm here all night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
