My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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