I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
