I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
