my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize