i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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