i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
