I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
