So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
