The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
