you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
