Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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