Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
