hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
