Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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