My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
