apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize