we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
