he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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