I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
