idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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