I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
