you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Quick, to the slutcave!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
