I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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