he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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