I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
People in love make me want to vomit
3pm strippers are depressing
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
