Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
