my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
