If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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