so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
