What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
