I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
