Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
