BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
this boner is exhausting
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
