First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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