All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
