i need an iv and a liver transplant
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
